“To Fill My Cup”

I just need one more day to bleed

To fill my cup, a toast to a death I need

My life is always full of empty bottles of tears

As my mind collects memories from all my fears

My feet are really tired from walking the miles of age

But these chains that I was born with, a broken act on stage

The spotlight from the moonbeam, a shadow cast’s its part

As being prolific at bleeding smiles, creating emptiness in my heart

I feel that I’m swimming in a fishbowl with a fastidious faceless crowd

As a child drowning in anxiety, a word that wasn’t allowed

This overwhelming feeling as a child handed me the mask we share

The crowd is vicious throughout my life, chewing on my soul without care

To know the meaning of a why is just an answer told

I’m fighting my life in my war, my age my death I now hold

One more time, the last call of my name in a voice

The echoes are greedy for my sanity, torture is their smile of choice

My innocence of a minds child, growing into a soul that’s broken

Looking for a way of light, darker of the way words spoken

The scars from barbs of idle tongues are the insanity that created me

I held so many thoughts they sent me, that I have forgotten who I should be

Was I the one she wanted from an evening so very far away?

A glass of wine and a kiss for my tears, as she walked into yesterday

I remember too well these moments, as my pen has empty spaces

The air of my torturers is screaming, with my memories burned on their faces

I’m falling into a worn-down cycle, using up days before the sun goes down

There’s not much left of my reflection to see except for this broken man of a clown

Juggling life with death notes while I’m off balance on a hangman’s rope

My way into life is repeating a breath but my soul is still learning to cope

With a trail of bloody scars and the tears of an ageless pain

The remembrance of me is just a fragmented heart stain

I toasted the last call for the night, I watched the sky melt away the blue

The darkness of dreams is telling me, “life and death are just illusions of you”

https://www.facebook.com/LoudandDark

Image: Derek Hess Store

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